Who am I ?

fight against a darkness that I fear. My body is no more than a host for others who are lost inside of me. There are many lives here… but I know them not. I can’t control their actions for they are their own persons. I only know of the things they do and say through what others have experienced with me. They tell of behaviors and forms of speech that are not me at all. They fear the unpredictable behaviors they have witnessed. Some behaviors are reckless… drinking and self injury destroying who I really am. Then there are the innocents… the behaviors where children appear. There are also the fearless and angry ones who practice promiscuous behaviors. They all have names… but often they choose who they reveal themselves to and who they allow to believe that I am still who I am…. the real me… the real mentally disabled me.

I would love to escape from this darkness of fear… this darkness that I often awake to only to find myself in some strange place or listen to stories of things people claim I have done. But it wasn’t me. I was lost in the darkness of my soul. How can anyone understand when I myself don’t even understand who am I now?

So, what do I do? Where do I go from here? Where is my soul’s salvation? Only time will tell. Until then, I hope that those inside will use this opportunity to allow the world to know who they are and what their story is. Perhaps in this way… I too can learn who I am now.