Have you ever been in love?

Have you ever been in love? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so no one can hurt you. Then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life.... You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'you can go whenever you want.' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the mind. It's a soul hurt, a body hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain..

"Hampir sama dengan saat kau terperosok ke dalam lubang, bukannya mengulurkan tangan menolongmu, tapi meneriakimu agar cepat naik sambil melemparimu batu."

You Are Enough

It's easy to feel uncared for when people aren't able to communicate and connect with you in the way you need. And it's so hard not to internalize that silence as a reflection on your worth.  But the truth is, that the way other people operate is not about you. Most people are so caught up in their own responsibilities, struggles, and anxiety that the thought of asking someone else how they're doing doesn't even cross their mind. They aren't inherently bad or uncaring they're just busy and self focused.
And that's okay. It's not evidence of some fundamental failing on your part. It doesn't make you unloveable or invicible. It just means that those people aren't very good at looking beyond their own world. But the fact that you are that despire the darkness you feel, you have the ability to share your love and light with other is a strength.
Your work isn't to change who you are, it's to find people who are able to give you the connection you need.  Becouse despire what you feel, you are not too sensitive or too needy. You are thoughtful  and empathetic. You are compassionate and kind. And with or without anyone's acknowledgement or affection, you are enough.